Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My girlfriend is like my iPad...........I don't have an iPad.

   Never treat a slut like a girlfriend, let some other dumb guys do that.

   Mayweather is a Legend. Its just a shame he practices on his girlfriend and kids.

   I wished my neighbor hated weeds as much as I do....

   "Don't make me Chris Brown you, b!tch"

   The only phrase you need to learn in any foreign langauge is, "I know you guys are talkin sh!t about me."

   PMS = [P]repare to [M]eet [S]atan.

   The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard" ?*

   · you know if she hasn't text ya back half of the the night you know shes taken care of

   I hate people who can't make up their minds. I love them.

   I'm 99.9999% sure you're not in love with me, but it's that 0.0001% that gives me hope and keeps me holding on.

   I use to be nice, nice guys finish last, so I did what any smart person would do; I adjusted....

   I'm at the doctor's office & they don't know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I'll wait for the Doctor, these other patients are clueless.

   Not everyone can go down in history, but if you play your cards right...You can go down on me.

   One day, I'll start messing with your feelings and you'll get mad because I finally learned how to play your game and beat you at it.

   I just got my pen!s caught in my zipper,,,,,,,,,,, I knew I shouldn't have bought those zip up shoes.

   I dropped my M&M's down the loo as I flushed. It was like a mini nascar race.

   Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo. For many people today is Toileto de Puko

   My date went pretty well last night. I was really attracted to her and sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex for hours. Kinda makes me wonder why didn't I get a taser sooner.

   I could never go to a hip hop concert. I never feel like saying either Hey or Ho when told to.