Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I can't get a job because I don't have experience. I can't get experience because I can't get a job.

   Can't get a job because I don't have experience. I can't get experience because I can't get a job.

   Kentucky knows three things better then anyone else. Horses, Basketball, and Fried Chicken.

   In-laws - Can't stand them, can't kill them, can't get rid of them. . .

   I watched my first anal porn scene the other day... Wow, I just can't get over how skinny I looked back then !!

   This guy in line at store had breath so bad his teeth turned sideways just to let it out.

   Nothing sums up the proud Mexican spirit like drunk blonde girls, in sombreros, chanting "Patron."

   I'm pretty sure my dying wish would be to stop dying.

   Whenever I see someone type "ROFL", I can't help but to think of Scooby Doo trying to say "waffle".

   Nothing sums up the proud Mexican spirit on their Independence Day like drunk college girls in sombreros screaming for more Patron!

   Since I've started laying crack rocks on top of all my junk nothing had been stolen and everything is organized...

   Text this to someone: I just love making you check your phone for no reason, who's my bi$ch? You are.

   Dear public bathrooms, Toilet paper holders should turn loosely, nobody wants to wipe their a$s with a handful of confetti.

   Process of liking a song: 1 Day: I love this song! 1 Week: Hey that song's good. 1 Month: Turn that s$it off! 1 Year: OMG, I love this song!

   "Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)

   Sometimes, I feel like my life should be documented for future generations.

   Microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.

   The Mayweather and Cotto fight looks like a promotion for Verizon and T-Mobile.

   Ok ok ok, I actually searched for "local wheelchair sex" on Yahoo. To be fair though, it did give me an invalid address....

   They should make vodka lip gloss....