Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Unicorns aren't extinct - they just gained weight and are now called rhinos.

   If you're single and looking to score, never bring girls to a bar... that's like bringing apples to an orchard.

   Apparently "preparing myself for Cinco de Mayo" is not a good reason to be drunk at work today, who knew?

   I come up with all my best ideas when I'm drunk.

   If you fear rejection, get a job trying to hand out free samples at the mall food court, problem solved!

   Women are designed for two things: making babies and making sandwiches, and they need help with the first one.

   Hey Friday! How ya been buddy?

   I don't know if my stomach is growling cuz I'm hungry or if that's my liver crying cuz it's the weekend.

   In need of someone to go down and perform routine maintenance. Apply within.

   If someone doesn't appreciate your presence, make them appreciate your absence.

   Salt-n-Pepa probably have salt-n-pepa pubes by now.

   Just popped a button on my shorts and now it looks like a just-opened cannister of Pillsbury crescent rolls.

   going to start a reality show and only play music videos....

   Just seen a preview of the 'Chernobyl Diaries' & to me, if your taking your family vacation to Chernobyl, Russia.....then you deserve to be eatin by radioactive zombies!!!!

   The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."

   [This Status Update Deleted By Facebook Staff For Inappropriate Content]

   Click your heels together three times and go fack yourself

   creeping your photos and I might add I'M IMPRESSED!!!

   Dear sweatpants and hoodies: thanks for being there for me. Sincerely, sexy and I know it, but too lazy to show it!!

   So my son keeps getting in trouble at school so I go to meet his teacher and she is Hot.. So after I left the teacher my son says " so now can you see why I love getting asked to stay after class". What can you say to that!!!..jamie wallis