Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I want to pick up a hitchhiker before I die. Not like right before I die, but you know.

   You are limited by what you settle for.

   Women always say they can do whatever a man can do. I bet they can't tuck their balls between their legs.

   You win some, you booze some.

   Lady GaGa was born this way 8======D

   I hate it when pedestrians get all up in my grill.

   Loud music is cheaper than a psychiatrist..

   In high school I was voted most likely to travel back I'm time. By the class of 2025.

   I'm not crazy. Sheldon's mom had me tested.

   If I were rich I wouldn't be shaking this ketchup bottle so hard. :/

   Like my Great Grandmother always used to say,,,, 'Marry someone who will love you for your posts and not your profile banner.'

   “and, so, that's where I'm at on the project, I couldn't have done it with out your input.” - How I end every conversation when the boss walks in and catches me goofing off with another employee.

   I already want to take a nap tomorrow

   Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.

   While most of you will be at the theaters watching The Avengers tonight I will be in the confines of my own home watch The Avengers XXX which is a slightly different version of The Avengers

   what do you call a man who has everything and nothing at the same time? Married!

   Photoshop is cool and those Instagram filters are pretty sweet but what are we gonna do about mirrors?

   Wouldn't it be cool to have that magical magic marker for people that stores have for money?? Yanno, to see if they're real!!

   I'm pretty sure there's a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED.....

   I feel like I am forgetting about something. Oh that's right the titans. I was supposed to remember the titans.