Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Every day above ground is a good day.

   A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.

   I can't use the word euouae without experiencing cramping, abdominal pain, bloating &

   Jury duty on Monday...That in itself is a joke.

   My friend absolutely insisted that I come to her muder mystery dinner party, but then she died suddenly under mysterious circumstances

   Shout out to all the hard of hearing people!

   I am on Buford Avenue and basically ready to wrestle anyone who's up for it. Or even not up for it.

   I hope I never become one of those dads who yells, "Shut the door, you're letting all the cold air out!" like some sort of cold air hoarder.

   Why is it I can't get mobile reception sometimes, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?

   A new study found polar bears are capable of swimming vast distances. And they laughed when I warned of an aquatic polar bear invasion

   Today, I again lulled myself in to believing that I can eat at a Taco Bell without ending up screaming for an epidural from the men's room.

   In high school I was voted "most likely to succeed". Boy, did I prove those idiots wrong!

   Nicholas Cage is the Nickleback of actors.

   I don't think Chumbawumba is getting back up this time.

   Newt Gingrich bows out of Presidential race to focus on being the world's largest high-fructose corn syrup storage silo.

   I like songs that list a lot of things then have a chorus about the end of the world that's on fire as we know it & it's always burning.

   Turns out, “Dress for the job you want," does NOT mean you should show up to a job interview in footie pajamas.

   wish I had spidey powers...i would shoot a web from my ana! glan and build a house

   Water companies suggest reusing your bath water to help with the drought . I tried it , My cup of tea was f8@king awful ....... !!!

   After all the whinning and complaining about Obama... Is this the best the GOP has to offer?? PATHETIC! Get ready for another socialist 4 years, next time propose or attempt to compromise,