Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The most common phrase in China: "Hey! You look familiar!"

   The problem with all these Ivy League MBAs is they have learned to treat consumers as statisics and forgotten how to treat customers as people.

   My Dr told me I might have that new Chinese disease...Its called Dragon Ass

   I have friends that my mom hates. I love those friends the most.

   It's important to have goals in life. When you want to get something accomplished, the majority of your energy should be focused on accomplishing that goal. That's why everything I do is about trying to get laid.

   Just read an article about an invasive species of shrimp in U.S. waters that are up to 13 inches in length and weigh up to a 1/4 pound............................................... Give me some c0cktail sauce and I will personally do what I can to help.

   I have friends that my wife hates. I love those friends the most.

   Change is the necessary ingredient for all advancement, and yet it is something that very few can accept without a fight..! (",)

   before getting married there are 2 words a man must know that are crucial to his survival....."Yes Dear"........

   The Gaga Law: (RAH)^2 (AH)^3 + RO(MA+MAA) + (GA)^2+OOH(LA)^2 = BAD ROMANCE

   the world is made of 2 types. Men and crazy people.

   remember guys, no matter how hot she is, some dude is sick of her $hit...

   Dear god if you can't make me thin then please just make my friends fat!!!

   Heard the Kardashians referred to as "American Royalty" on the radio today.....Currently in the bathroom taking an "American Royalty"

   "What did I do?" -- the horse you rode in on.

   Any of my DIY friends need a "Stud Finder"?? Nothing wrong with it, just every time I pick it up to use it... the damn thing goes crazy!!!

   My friend just had a baby. He keeps going on about how he would kill anyone who tried to hurt his child, or he would get run over to save his son. He would even take a bullet for his boy. I said, “Why are so many people trying to assassinate your baby?â

   You know you've made it,, when your joke makes its way back to you in someone else's Facebook status

   My girfriend's a h00ker with an IQ of 178. What a f**king know-it-all.

   To the people who upload full movies to YouTube: Get a life...also, thank you.