Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   fake freckles and pigtails doesnt necessarily make a 40 year old "barely legal"

   Those kids who cant find the Totino pizza rolls in the empty freezer, then leave the phone in the freezer deserve to starve to death

   Mr Wilson should of just filed for a restraining order against Dennis the Menace..problem solved

   Going to the homeless shelter today...not really sure if I want to adopt one unless they assure me that its housebroken.

   Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X, she's not coming back.

   I started drying my hands with a wall mounted hand dryer back in 1998 and I think they're almost dry.

   I never figured "HECK" is a combination of Hell and Fcuuk.

   Jessica Simpson has already taught her daughter everything she knows.

   throwing fertilizer at people who need to grow up

   To the guy next to me at the rest-area urinal...The fact that you still have your sunglasses on kinda creeps me out.

   Suicide is never the answer. Unless the question is, "What should Justin Bieber's next career move be?"

   My drug dealer cracks me up.

   Roses are red; foxes are clever. I love your butt; let me touch it forever.

   When god created china he knew he would never have to make anything else again.....

   The stuff you do while you're procrastinating is what you should be doing for the rest of your life.

   Dear Lord; If my happiness bothers some people, please give them their own happiness so they wont bother hating on mine.

   "I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 40, is that bad?" ''You spelled dad wrong."

   I'm moving to Antarctica, where there's no bullsh!t. Just penguins.

   "It's suddenly hot in here!" "Sorry, Should I leave?!"

   Now that people are posting what Organ donors they are on FB, I am going to friend all the Liver Donors..- Good to keep drinking:)