Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Love how the Salvation Army gets top dollar for donated old crap...I thought they were supposed to help poor people. Sorry Mr. Freezing Homeless guy..that coat is $40.

   I'm officially old...spent the day looking for a store that went out of business 20 yrs ago

   The Avengers have Assembled.......and The Dark Knight will Rise.

   OH, IT'S ON NOW! -me, every time I switch the lights on.

   Getting Old- It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

   NEW SECRET SERVICE CODE OF ETHICS: 1.) When arguing with a hooker in the hotel hallway, Use your "Inside" voice. 2.) You're only allowed to jump on a prostitute if you hear her ticking. 3.) Proudly display the U.S. Flag, But NOT the pole.

   I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to.

   I'm not loving anyone that I'm not legally required to.

   seeing your neighbour looking at your window with a binocular is creepy, when you are looking at their window with a binocular...

   How come changing the channel doesn't get these damn Kardashians off of the tv?

   now a days...all the little rascals would have been removed from their homes and the parents would be facing neglect charges

   Contrary to popular belief, it's actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress

   if William Shatner takes a crap, does he call it a "captain's log"?

   Are my kids spoiled?...Well lets see..when I was 6 I wanted play doh for my birthday, my kid has asked for play-station

   I bet crackheads totally misinterpreted the "can you smell what 'The Rock' is cooking, saying.

   Walmart has announced that all normal looking people will now have to pay admission to enter the store

   Jessica Simpson had her baby. Apparently, Kanye busted into the delivery room and said Beyonce had the best baby of all time.

   when I grew up, no one chased their dogs to pick up their crap, we waited until it turned to white powder and disappeared

   Can officially include rescue operations on my resume after I saved a bug from a spider web

   Tulisa, sexiest woman in the world? I wouldn't even have her down as the sexiest woman in N-Dubz.