Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   As a father to 2 sons & a grandfather to 2 grandsons,, I often find myself torn between.. "Don't ever do that again" and " Ahh,Good one!"

   "It's not you, it's me" - me, explaining "awesome"

   Hooray! Hooray! The first of May! Outdoor sex begins today!

   1990: I like big butts and I can not lie! 2005: Booty, booty, booty, booty- rockin everywhere! 2011: Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass!

   My ideal job would be getting paid by a sassy black woman to back up all her statements with "mmmhmm!" And "Hooooo Damn! Girl!"

   ...Be enhanced by your strengths, not inhibited by your struggles...(",)

   the amount of times ones mother enters the room whilst one is watching a movie is equally proportional to the amount of times that a "s*x scene" appears in the movie, and so it seems!

   S-International Sarcasm Society "Like we need your support"

   I'm not ready to adopt a highway, but a dead end street feels familiar and manageable.

   When I say, "That's interesting", don't assume it is, or that you are right or that I even I agree with you; most likely it means I am not really listening...

   Face it. Tomboys are the sexiest damn girls you'll EVER see.

   has forgotten which sock goes on which foot

   I like Tuesday simply because it is literally the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be.

   The passing out bit and the snoring is actually part of it, so yeah, a man's org@sm is so much longer than a woman's.

   The best way to end a conversation is by raising both middle fingers.

   Ladies. Want to know if you're pretty? If a male cop has ever given you a ticket, then no, you're not.

   Rihanna shouldn't be in the new movie Battleship. It should be projected on her forehead.

   I'm sorry I keep calling you and hanging up. I just got this new phone and it's voice activated. So every time I yell dumb ass, it dials you.

   I really wish I knew why my real parents sent me to Earth without my superpowers.

   They say diamonds are a girl's best friend but I've never seen a girl talk sh!t about a diamond behind its back.