Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you play a Ke$ha song backwards, you hear messages from Satan. Even worse, if you play it forwards you hear Ke$ha.

   When the air hostess stops smiling and sits down, then you know it's about to go down.

   You know you're getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.

   My 1st relationship taught me that men and women aren't all that different. And my 2nd one taught me that my first gf was a tranny.

   Gentlemen, nerd girls are the world's greatest underutilized romantic resource.

   A woman's heart is as tender, vulnerable and fragile as a man's balls. Don't break hers and she won't break yours.

   Look...the very LEAST we could do is have sex.

   I just realized why Obama raised tobacco taxes to exponential levels. It's pure profit from all his supporters continually blowing smoke up his a$$.

   After going back to school I can now spell G.H.O.S.T.

   9 out of 10 doctors agree that the 10th doctor doesn't know what he's talking about.

   The guy who invented copy and paste is my hero.

   My ex just sent me a photo of her having sex with her new boyfriend. I sent it to her Dad

   The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.

   What came first, internet porn or "clear all search history"?

   Getting Old- These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

   Just once I'd like to hear Obama say "Niga Please"

   OMG! Debbie needs building supplies in Farmville and Josh played MOON on Words with Friends, OMG! OMG! OMG!

   FOL- Fart out Loud.

   When you hear "that's illegal in 49 states,"....The other state is ALWAYS Kentucky..

   CREDULOUS FUNFACT: This May is the first month in 422 years to contain SIX Saturdays.