Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Guys, it is true. Size DOES matter. When have you ever been satisfied after she brings you a small sandwich?

   I'm taking my Bon Jovi sat-nav back to the shop.It keeps telling me I'm halfway there.

   I just had a cup of coffee "So Bad",, that it actually played bass guitar for Nickleback........... Horrible coffee,,,Yuck,,Ptuuey..

   "I'm not mad." - My wife when she's mad,,, Well,, actually EVERY woman when she's mad

   I bet the Chinese get excited when it's raining cats and dogs. Must be like a buffet for them.

   *Low battery* *Low battery* *Low battery* Well apparently you have enough battery to Remind Me every 2 seconds

   Dear fad following teenage girls, could one of you at least clean the mirror before taking your photo, and we'd like to thank you all for showing us 1 disgusting bathroom after another. Love, the world.

   Its so frustrating watching someone close to you make all the wrong choices & decisions...but I guess you need to sit back & let them learn

   Sometimes when I pee I whip it out a little to aggressively and the urinal is all like, "Woh, big fella."

   Tip: Instead of doing that thing where you obviously crop your ex out of the photo, you could actually just take a new picture.

   If I ask my mom to take a picture for me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "IT'S THE BUTTON ON FRONT!"

   100% of the people that talk sh!t about your life, have sh!ttier lives than you.

   Sometimes I want to punch words right back into people's mouths.

   My auto-correct has the education of a free year old.

   Every time I drive past a hitchhiker I feel kinda bad thinking maybe they're just liking my status.

   I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.

   Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like... "Dude, shouldn't you be hanging out with people your own age?"

   It;s amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumbass!"

   You know you are in a bad part of town when you fear being robbed by the convenience store clerk...

   Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling...