Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   They say everybody has at least one gay thought in their lifetime... I told myself as I slowly backed away from Justin Biebers new album

   What if air is just a poisonous gas that takes about 80 years to kill us?

   Ben got really upset when I called him a f@g, I've never seen someone run down the road in high heels so fast.

   How do you make a woman blind?.... Stick a car windscreen in front of the b!tch.

   My girlfriend told me I'm awful in bed. I don't know how she can tell in 30 seconds.

   Dear Google, please don't tell anyone about the things I've searched for- Sincerely everyone.

   My girlfriend said we can't hang out this weekend because she doesn't exist.

   If the minimum wage is good enough for all Americans, then that's how much Congress should make as well.

   As you take another breath, someone takes their last. Stop complaining; appreciate life.

   If my door was closed when you came in, make sure its closed on your way out. Thank you!

   Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping

   Smart girls open their minds. Easy girls open their legs & foolish girls open their hearts.

   Take your pleasure seriously.

   Only dead fish go with the flow.

   I'm gonna get one of those giant, old-timey bicycles. You know the type, where if you tipped over you fell 20ft. and died..... yeah,,one of those

   You can tell how well people cut their grass,, by the way they color things in,, on "Draw Something."

   Yes, I hate you,,, but I'm not in hate, with you.

   It is a FACT: Girls with cats, are WAY more single than girls with dogs.

   NEWS FLASH: The Bush's baked beans dog finally speaks out, says dogs actually hate Sarah McLachlan.

   that whenever a bird craps on my windshield, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I am capable of.