Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My girlfriend said she gives up and can't see me anymore. I am amazing at hide and go seek.

   My wife wants to go on Holiday and be treated like a Queen. So I brought her a ticket to India, as they worship cows over there.

   I want to meet the teenage versions of my parents.

   Time is not wasted, when your wasted all the time" ~Benjamin Franklin (I think.)

   My wife's a magician. She can turn anything into an argument.

   Google you remind me of my girlfriend, let me finish my sentence before you give me suggestions!

   Why do married men hang strobe lights from their bedroom ceilings? To create the optical illusion that their wives are moving during s3x.

   Dropped a piece of ice in the kitchen. Kicked it under the fridge...

   advises all the young people, "Do not grow up; it's a trap!!"

   Pain makes you stronger. Fear makes you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser and Beer makes you look better..

   If we're going to check Mexicans for their citizenship, can we check Justin Bieber for his too?

   When you're with the right person, you feel the perfect balance of happy and horny.

   Dear Spongebob, you're such a copycat. You live in Bikini Bottom & you're super absorbent? Sincerely, annoyed tampons.

   If I agree with you we'd both be wrong

   I must love my work...I love to sit and stare at it for hours....that's love right????

   I wonder if Buzz and Woody ever met some of Andy's mom's toys. Especially since they probably have the same names.,

   Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don't worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal. ;-)

   I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, 'I'd so tap the sh!t out of that.'

   Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch. Just to show the birds what I'm capable of.

   Sex is like high school...you miss a period and you're in trouble.