Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You'd think the crescent roll's packages would have a warning like: May blow your hand off if opened correctly.

   Well APPARENTLY,,,, baby powder + water does not make a baby................... Myth,, BUSTED...

   My girlfriend left me after I broke her wheelchair..... Oh,, I think she'll come crawling back soon..

   Reading the first dozen pages, reminds me of reading something from the 50s...so wholesome.

   My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.

   Why spend all that time in school to be a doctor,, when you can save lives by forwarding an email or reposting a status on your Facebook wall?

   So this midget walks into a mini bar........

   When updating your status, always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out...

   Facebook has saved me thousands of dollars on Birthday Cards!!! (suck it hallmark)

   Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.

   Ha Ha!! For the past two weeks I've just been giving a bowl of alphabet soup a stir,, and posting whatever floats to the top.

   Usually, the one you want, is the one you can't have.

   The only thing my ex & I had in common was that neither one of us would suck a d!ck.

   Fear exists for one purpose, to be conquered....

   If David Hasselhoff doesn't describe his workouts as "sweating his asseloff," well then screw him!

   His O face?? Him playing air guitar whilst having an enema and having his nostril electrocuted whilst his chest is being waxed..mmmmm

   pounding vicobeer at 11 in the morning!

   Life is your audition for heaven or hell.

   SWAGGER is temporary but CLASS is permanent!

   Oh, you're having a bad day? In 1976, Ronald Wayne sold his 10% stake in Apple for $800. Now it's worth $58,065,210,000.