Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I told my roommate this morning if my dinner isn't on the table when I get home from work he's gettin the beating of his life. Then I hid the table

   Finally the world sees that Arizona's immigration law is no different from the federal law. It is just that the Feds don't want the law enforced. Bring it on 1.6 billion a yr can be spent on Arizonans instead.

   Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each

   #HoodTranslations101: "Sh*t just got real" = The situation has escalated to the highest point of seriousness & is no longer a laughin matter

   I told the monster in my closet that if he came out of the closet he would be gay. Problem solved! #Winning

   This drug sniffing dog was a great investment! He already found 2 bags of weed I thought I had lost!

   HoodTranslations101: "I'm chillin tonight bruh" - My current financial situation will not allow me to partake in the festivities tonight.

   I think the guy that misspelled "Ghost" actually wanted to write "Goat's soap"

   I'm in a band, you've probably seen our posters. We're called missing cat.

   I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a f@#king dragon and sh!t myself.

   Just ate the last bit of food in my lunch box, this overtime now officially sucks!!!!

   You can take that thumb, and shove it up your A$$.

   I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous class today and introduced myself to 12 other people. When I walked out I was no longer anonymous but was still an alcoholic?

   That annoying moment when your juice box refuses to lose it's virginity

   Hey Girls,,, When a guy says "I'm listening",, what he means is "I bet if Godzilla had machine guns for arms he'd be unstoppable".

   Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

   She's trained right when you roll up to pump fuel, and she jumps out to clean the windows.

   YOu know she's trained right IF when you roll up to the pump.....she jumps out and then pays for the gas

   What I do when I'm hungry: ( ) get up and get food (x) moan like a dying whale until someone feeds me

   The term "good girl" becomes irrelevant if she is hanging out after 2AM.