Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   turns out the March of Dimes people aren't very fond of dimes...

   It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever....

   Dear new generation, The Lion King will always be ours, SO BACK OFF B!TCHES. Sincerely, 90s kids.

   Televison is a chewing gum for the eyes ,,!

   you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends nose, but you can't wipe your friend on the couch..

   i hear liquor stores have started selling hand sanitizer in the cold section with the beer.

   Getting your girlfriend to agree to try an@l is NOT made any easier when you tell her how willing your last girlfriend was.

   Finally, I'm online! Just want to say to all my facebook friends good night.. out!

   KEEP CALM. There is enough pu$$y in the world for everyone, even for lesbians too.

   Going half way across the state this morning, and you know what that means...this truck is now a rolling karaoke machine.

   I have paid for this bottle of Vodka, I own that. I still haven't paid my rent for this month, I owe that.

   I don't see dead people, I just see people that I wish were dead.

   It's always a shock when one of your best friends turns out to be three small dogs in a man suit.

   I saw a monarch butterfly today, what made it so special is the fact that it was the first time it wasn't stamped on some stripper's ass.

   ATTENTION !! Today has just been Upgraded to ... FRISKY FRIDAY !!! Thank you...

   I don't even know why I look in the back seat of my car when I get in at night.Like the killer is going to scream 'Oh crap! you saw me, retreat!

   B!tch If you can't fit your tweet into 140 characters, maybe you should shut the hell up.

   Black person: Jeans $200, Shirt $100, Shoes $160, pockets.. $0 White Person: Jeans $15, Shirt $20, Shoes $30, pockets $5,000"

   Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.

   You know you're in America when you can buy replacement cartridges of ink for $29.25, or buy a brand new printer with ink for $39.95.