Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When I need a friend, you're there.. When I'm lonely, you're there.. When I'm afraid, you're there.. When I need help, you're still there.. Dammit! When the f*ck will you come over here?? You're always there!!

   The best way to get over a girl is get under a different one....

   price of the most expensive premium gas on 4/16/2012 - California: $4.472 per gallon ************* price of the CHEAPEST gas (natural 95) in Europe: 1.6 EUR per liter = 3.785 EUR per gallon = $5.00 per gallon....... who should be complaining now?

   My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

   With fewer toothpaste choices on the market now, maybe those 5 dentists can finally agree.

   You act like I was drinking alone...but I had the entire Verizon network with me

   "My God, they spilled glass shards, tacks and honey on this floor. How will we get it up?" Law & Order: Special Vacuums Unit

   I'm beginning to think Queen Latifah is not actually a queen.

   The woman in front of me in the checkout line wrote an actual check. I assume she then boarded her carriage and returned to her plantation.

   Imperial units should only be used when measuring general levels of rebel scum.

   Charles Taylor might very well be guilty of war crimes, but he does make a fine sneaker

   I looked in the bathroom mirror this morning and saw my Dad looking back at me. We should stop taking baths together.

   A study found that trying on swimsuits made women feel objectified. Having a researcher in the changing room probably didn't help either.

   Never trust a homeless guy selling homemade lemonade, just saying.

   When you get angry start counting to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that.

   If I had a time machine I'd show Albert Einstein the Internet and ruin everything.

   20 years later, members of Bell Biv Devoe are still adamant about not trusting a big butt and a smile.

   Just once I would like to see an ultimate fighting montage set to Olivia Newton John's song Physical.

   You say potato, I say Rocky Dennison.

   Love thy neighbor, just dont get caught .....