Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ever wonder why the side of the car says" to protect and serve"????? Protect the donuts and serve the coffee................

   If aliens attack earth we should all act like we dont hear or see them.

   My Asian friend ordered a Crown and Coke but I hired a clown to do blow with him because I knew what he meant.

   I hate when I take LSD, and see a raccoon, and I'm all "The Hamburglar is shape-shifting, man!"

   I used to want to be a storm chaser, until I realized most storms will just come to you.

   Love hurts, and will tear us apart. Also, timber wolves.

   I eat all my food doggy style.

   One thing you will never hear me say, "Yes, that IS my Prius"

   My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my pen!s and asked what I was doing. Apparently, "heating your dinner" was not the right answer.

   [ ] single. [ ] taken. [X] I get about as much attention as a white crayon.

   Stop warning stupid people and give evolution a chance to work its wonderful process.

   When your foot falls asleep, that's God's way of saying... "Move, your lazy a$s!"

   Big Sunglasses: An ugly chick's best friend.

   The best way to get over your ex? Get under someone else!

   This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.

   Don't talk to me until I've had 7 coffees.

   You never realize you need toilet paper until it's too late.

   If breakups never existed, the music industry would go BANKRUPT.

   When I'm on the phone I move my arms around when I'm giving directions even if the person can't see me.

   Just remember, someone loves everything you hate about yourself.