Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I want to ask some people, "How do you take dumps when s$it comes out of your mouth 24/7?

   I wouldn't have to manage my anger… If people could learn to manage their stupidity. 

   It's funny how you can do nice things for people all the time and they never notice. But, once you make one mistake, it's never forgotten.

   Seriously! Just saw a Weight Watchers commercial on the Food Network... Really? That's like a Jack Daniels ad running on PBS.

   Wine improves with age. The older I get, the more I like it.

   girlfriends are like The History Channel. They always bring up old s?it

   If you ever google Gary Oldman... don't forget the R... worst experience in my life!

   Was thinking about ordering P90X, but I just had to take a knee midway through pouring a glass of sweet tea, so maybe I'll just go lie down instead.

   Try and find me now Sucka!- bread tie

   When I'm having a day sometimes I go to WalMart and just smile and show off my teeth.

   two muffins are sitting in an oven, one turns to the other and says "damn sure is hot in here isn't it?" the other muffin turns and screams "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!"

   It's Awkward for men to buy Pads & for women to buy Condoms.

   Being a single independent person means, you're not dependent to your family and friends too, is that right?!

   The new mouthwash I bought says "24 HOUR PROTECTION ....use twice daily"

   4 outta 5 cannibals agree that vegetarians taste better..

   Note to self: Feed lots of Mayo to the tuna first,,,,,,THEN butcher.

   I eat my peas with honey.. I dun it all my life.. It makes the peas taste funny.. But it keeps them on my knife.

   I see this poor old lady slip over on some wet leafs today. Well I think she was poor, she only had £1.50p in her purse.

   I don't care what anyone says. MySpace is NOT dead. I just friended two hotties. Wilma and Betty. In ya face, suckas!

   The number one thing on my bucket list; not dying!