Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   hvng n nxpctd vwl mvmnt aiaueeeoeoee...

   Awww.... It looks like the neighbors are having the police dept over for brunch..

   Pamela Anderson bankrupt. Owes IRS over $500,000! Says she'll repay once she's back on her feet. IRN doesn't know when she last saw her feet

   If someone does not appreciate your presence, give them a taste of your absence and see how they like it.

   hoping that Kevin Love Rudy Gay and Ramon Sessions end up in a picture side by side in full uniform. three words....GAY LOVE SESSIONS

   Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Gays are from UrAnus

   I don't drink; it dulls the drugs.

   God must love stupid people- he made so many!

   TGIF- Thank God I'm female.

   Your child may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.

   Why do people say "no offense" when they're about to offend someone?

   Getting on your feet requires getting off your butt.

   I'll take Same Crap/Different Day Alex for 200

   The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos

   Men know everything - all of them - all the time - no matter how stupid or inexperienced or arrogant or ignorant they are

   One thing I've learned about myself after all this time on Facebook is that I have no idea how to use a comma.

   If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

   I want a car that runs on the tears I shed at the gas pump.

   Facebook now has 901 million users and I'm pretty sure all of them have invited me to play FarmVille.

   I'm a problem that you'd be glad to have.