Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I found a used condom in my box of Corn Flakes.... I think it was the work of a cereal rapist 
Today I was pulled over by a woman cop... I didn't know kitchens had speed limits
I fear the day I get so drunk that I actually accept Facebook's request to change my profile over to Timeline.
Dear women of Jersey Shore, You're making me look bad. Sincerely, Orange.
I was playing with my new toaster in the bathtub today then I read the warning label and it said not to. I was shocked.
When I was your age, I had to download porn on a dial up connection.
Women are a Weapon of Cash Destruction.
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
I don't know exactly who's health I'm drinking to, but they're going to be immortal at this rate
All we need to keep us happy - is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done!!!
If you don't purposely get face soap in your nostrils to blow bubbles, you're not as self entertained as me.
make me an alligator sandwich and make it snappy
Went outside before without my iPhone & Twitter. Panicked. Didn't know what to do. Ran in circles. Tired now. Need a juice box.
I speak 4 languages, English, profanity, sarcasm & real sh!t
Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, ‘Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, current account, confidence, and good standing among your friends'.
I'm gonna start driving my car on bike paths, it's only fair.
If you're going to slow down on the freeway whenever you see a cop, try not having the "I have a heroin condom in my butt" look on your face
Guys, If you suck on a fat girls t!tty for more than 10 seconds, you will get type 2 diabetes. Fact
Guy next to me ordered a vodka cranberry "light on the vodka". I had to go to another bar, I cannot be around someone who acts like that.
I miss 1999. Ya know, when we all used to do it for the Nookie...
Site Links
© 1999 - 2021 Tjshome.com
