Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.

   Don't you hate it when you have an older family member on Facebook and they comment on EVERYTHING you do.

   "If you focus only on yourself and neglect others, you will lose; but you will gain if you value others as much as you cherish yourself." - Dalai Lama

   Oh a spider. You are tiny. I am a great big person. I am a grown up. I can handle this. You are tiny. I am a great big pe- OMG IT MOVED!!

   Thanks to Facebook, I now know what everyone's bathroom looks like 1 mirror at a time.

   "Who's that?" "What are they doing?" "What's happening?" ; "Shut the hell up and watch the movie ffs".

   The fact that music can induce goosebumps, draw a tear, inspire, and connect is one of my favorite parts of being a human.

   Pick a number, double it, add 10, divide it by 2, then minus it by the number you started with. LIKE if you got 5.

   Girls if you are looking for your superman.. go read a comic

   Does anyone really "Laugh Out Loud" when they write LOL?

   Do you want to speak to the manager or someone who knows whats going on?

   You don't lose weight; you get rid of it, unless you intend on finding it again.

   You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.

   Alcohol is like a push-up bra for your personality.

   Women are as horny as men; they just hide their b0ners better.

   Oops, Accidentally bumped into my neighbour's car....... With a baseball bat and a claw hammer.

   Did you know if you watch Twilight backwards, it's still sh!t?

   Dogs are tough I tell you...... I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who is a good boy.

   James Harden's head trying to hurt Metta World Peace by hitting him in the elbow was just uncalled for!

   People say that my analogies are as bad as a candle on a forklift.