Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   FACT: Every woman got a girlfriend that they don't trust around their man.

   When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change...

   I wish I could trade my heart for another liver.. So I could drink more and care less

   Drinking till I'm Someone else's Problem.

   Dear Catholic Church, the rhythm method is fine,,, but what about something for us white guys?

   The US is ranked 25th in math scores...this isn't any surprise to me, our elected leaders can't even ballance a budget.

   Be England what she will,with all her faults she's my country still. Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life. HAPPY ST GEORGE's DAY

   Super Mario and Zelda are very accurate in depicting the idiotic things men will do for v@gin@.

   Here we go... Very good... You're doing a great job of reading this post... Just passed the middle... Nearly there... Wonderful job... All done... And like it!

   "Frosted Mini Wheats" are my absolute FAVORITE breakfast cereal made from scrap wicker furniture.

   The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.

   This sexy bird looked at my beer belly and said "Is that carlsberg or tetleys? " I replied" "theres a tap underneath love if you wanna taste it!"

   Like if you remember buying really silly stuff from Ronco ...Mr Microphone .. The pocket fisherman...aand who could forget the "Chop O Matic "

   When discussing geology and erosion, I often get sedimental and break down.

   Have you ever noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

   | ( • )( • ) | Spongebob / ( • )( • ) \ Patrick ( (•)(•) ) Squidward | (•) | Plankton |•||•| Mr.Krabs

   Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money? This number is no longer in service.

   What starts with P and ends with ORN? Popcorn your pervert!

   an animal rights activist against fur but not leather because it's easier to harass rich old ladies instead of motorcycle gangs

   No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive.