Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   there's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

   I hate when ppl are like "Hey, what kinda shot is this?" Idk the stfu and take it cause its a free shot

   Boss just calls me into work for a quick favor & the first thing he asks me is "Are you sober?" I said "Define sober." He hangs up. I win...

   Watching the news right now and the news lady is going to a hot dog eating contest. She just said she is going to see how many wieners she can fit in her mouth at once. I spit coffee on my computer.

   I just had to unfriend someone on FB; she played too many games.

   Theres nothing hotter than when guys stare at my cleavage while I pretend to be offe ded

   theres nothing hotter than when a guy stares at my cleavage amd I pretend to get offended....

   Liking" a picture at 2AM on Facebook is more like "I would LIKE to have sex with you.

   Health insurance and homeowner's insurance are the same thing to a turtle.

   If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, it has really low self esteem and you should exploit that for s@xual favors

   statistics show that 97 % of dead people will stop posting statuses.

   Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of f*cking idiot?

   I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

   Ben Franklin started the first Colonial printing press using hemp paper, I'm not saying he smoked it, a lot of sober guys fly kites in a thunderstorm.

   Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

   To the idiot below me, you may be right saying Franklin never flew a kite, because that's a myth. However, there is no myth about a nephew... dumb ass.

   Just found out that the girl from the Blind Melon video grew up to be Jonah Hill.

   If you want to Learn How to Save & Budget Your Money Ask A Republican Or A Drug Dealer!!!

   It's pronounced; Doo-mas...

   FINALLYYYY got a chance to sit down today... Too bad I'm still at work and the place I'm sitting is on the toilet : /