Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A drunk man speaks what a sober man thinks.

   What's happened with "Cover the Night" April 20 (world wide canvassing campaign for KONI 2012) ? I guess Jason Russell going to celebrate 4:20 another way.

   Opportunity knock only once, if you hear a second knock it's probally a Jehovah's witness.

   I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I'd rather sh!t in my hands and clap !"..

   Because of Facebook, the only presidential candidate we'll be able to have in 2040 is someone too stupid to know how to use Facebook.

   My parents were mimes. The "sex talk" was really awkward.

   I was just at my neighbors house for dinner but I had to leave unexpectedly,,,,,,, they came home.

   There's a ninja knocking at my front door,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, He must be new at this..

   If you've been married for more than 10 years,, You KNOW that Ken dolls are anatomically correct

   Rope: $7.50 Duck Tape: $2.75 Shovel: $12.98 Never having to see that b!tch again: Priceless.

   Okay before you kill me, can I at least pull my underwear out of my crack? A man has to go comfortable.

   I'm not suggesting Cher is a nazi, but at no point during 'If I could turn back time' does she think about killing Hitler.

   Happy Birthday Weed!

   Actually I thought Numnutz was quite funny in re-posting a status off the first page.

   The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

   I wonder if the Def Lepard version of Rock Band will come with only one drum stick?...what...too soon?

   I often carry a knife round in my pocket, when on days out with the family in the summer. Just in case I see a wasp land on my wife's neck.

   My wife said to me, "Isn't it odd how on our keyboard the letters ORPN have been worn out?"

   Always be positive........except on a drug test........

   What if Tupac is alive and we are all holograms?