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Facebook should invent a relationship status that says "Only when i'm drunk." 
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out? ;)
Accidentally used AOL.com to search for something today. I feel like everyone who works there probably high-fived each other and got really hopeful about the future.
Being in a relationship is not about kissing, dates or showing off. It's about being with the person who makes you happy.
Half way thru the day and I'm just realizing *now* I've got my pants on inside-out. Hello, Wednesday.
Appreciate the little things. Hug a midget
I am sure that in alcohol are female hormones. When I drink I talk too much and dont know how to drive.
Yo, Tupac, I'm really happy for you; I'mma let you finish... but Princess Leia had the best hologram of all time. All time!
D ick Clark has passed, we cant ring in the new year, well played mayans, well played
some girls are such sluts I wouldnt even poke them on Fackbook
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I have a Gun , get in the Van
somedays it hardly seems worth it to chew through the leather straps
If I'm ever attacked by a gang of clowns, don't worry about me, cause I'll imediately "go for the juggler."
God made everything + everything is made in China = God is Chinese???
Dick Clark is dead, secret service is out buying hookers, and Miley Cyrus is starring in a new movie called "LOL." The Mayans were right: 2012 is the end of the world.
Dick Clark has passed, we cant ring in the new year, well played mayans, well played
Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses?.....That's as crazy as the low low prices at Dave's Furniture Emporium
Relax people, they made holograms of Tupac, Dick Clark can still appear on New Years Eve.
My dad thinks LOL stands for "Lots Of Love" and texted me "Dick Clark just passed . LOL"
This just in: The next upcoming New Years Rockin' Eve is to be hosted by a Hologram of Dick Clark.
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