Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Was born at night but not last night!

   If cats could drive they would all drive Volvos and not like you.

   I wish more parents let kids choose their own names. Then everyone would just be named Spiderman or Ariel or Fruit Rollup.

   The side effects of the medicine I'm on include nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, repeating things four times & difficulty adding.

   Congress to release new economic recovery plan: Vegas, Baby!!!

   "Face tatoo in college" was put up yesterday. 04-17-2012 21:03, maybe check beforehand? lolz /smh

   Today is National Stalking Awareness Day. Feels like it should be posted on Facebook.

   I think Mitt Romney should pick Hologram Tupac for his running mate..

   I perfected the art of swilling so that nobody could say I have a drinking problem.

   Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, kind of makes me wish I had genital herpes.

   Just adjusted my life insurance policy to include the purchase of a hologram of myself that will blend into the crowd at my funeral.

   "Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead

   My tweets are only motivational if your motive is to become an a$$hole.

   I like how the Ninja Turtles wear masks. Good way to hide your identity, it's not like you're a giant turtle or anything.

   how did this happen? ----> amish-online-dating.com

   Okay, Mitt Romney you are worth 250 million, I have $25.42 in my account. You asking for donations make me question if you really have a grasp on this economics thing you claim to know so much about.

   If you had a sad or lonely childhood you're gonna be REALLY depressed by Bank of America's options for a security question. Unless you remember the name of you're imaginary friend or pet rock.

   New rule: If you hold the door open for someone and then they just walk by without saying “thanks”, then you're granted one attempt at trying to trip them. >:)

   Patient ''Tell me if it hurts?'' Dentist ''No it wont. It will just bleed.

   Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat." muhahahahaaa.,