Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

   Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

   Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion

   When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

   24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

   Honey, I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder...

   Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

   An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance!

   I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site.

   Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding!

   has anyone spoken to bigfoot lately?

   Yo Hologram Tupac, I'm real happy for you and I'ma let you finish but Obi-Wan Kenobi was one of the best holograms of all time!

   *Galaxy Breaking News* Mars Rover discovers location for the next Wal-Mart Superstore...coming soon hillbilly's in space!

   And speaking of my EX,, " Divorce is Strong with this one." >> Darth Vader, Marriage counselor..

   “Use divorce, Luke...” – Obi Wan, marriage counselor

   HEY,,,People of Canada: Why do you leave all of your coins here?

   My Internet just went down... Looks like I gonna have to settle for time with my wife

   The "Its Complicated" status on Facebook is referring to women in general, right?

   Getting a face tattoo in college is like majoring in unemployment.

   When I meet someone and I get a "Nice weather we are having..." I say, "My dog's toys taste salty!" I find it moves the conversation along.