Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Like if you remember closing the fridge door really slow, just to see when the lights went off.

   Don't be too confident and happy just because he calls you his boo. First, find out how many hoes out there he calls that too. Don't be blinded and fooled by sweet nothings.

   When I say "It's a long story," it doesn't mean it's actually a long story. It means I just don't want to tell you.

   If you cant stand behind our troops, feel free to to stand in front of them!

   Here's my tip of the day...If the person you're "in a relationship" with has they're status as "single" it might be time for a relationship reassessment.Or atleast don't act so surprised and whine constantly when it's finally over.Shut up already,your gro

   BREAKING NEWS: Hologram Tupac Shakur has been shot...

   Hmmm. Better get started on my taxes.

   I told a lady at work she had foundation problems. She said that I had never seen her house. True, but I could smell her face.

   gas costs more than milk, I found out today that my car is lactose intolerant.

   My imaginary boyfriend just cheated on me

   My safe word is ..."HARDER FASTER...PLEASE DON'T STOP"

   If there is one thing life has taught me, it's humility. In fact, I daresay there is no one on this planet more humble than me.

   Now the movie Titanic is available on 3D...Maybe now they'll be able to see the icebergs

   Miley Cyrus' real name is Destiny??? Know we know why she was so good on that pole at the Kids Choice Awards a couple years ago...

   I'm not saying you're an ugly person, but if your picture is on the cigarettes boxes, people will stop smoking

   Considering the odds are about the same, I think it would be nice if we let the people literally "struck by lightning",, be the lottery winners...

   Cops don't like it when you ask them "Need some help?" especially when you're wearing a Batman costume.

   At Walmart, searching for my intellectual soul mate.

   My solar powered car coasted to a stop. "What luck!" I spat. The sun had just set. In Vampireville. - (excerpt from my e-book.)

   Yesssss….neighbor guy, the whole block knows you own a Harley. So, you can stop revving your engine every 1.6 seconds. Or, better yet, while you are stopped at the stop sign. You're cool, we get it.