Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   F*ck what you heard, f*ck the b!tch you heard it from, f*ck what you think, and f*ck what you saw, and recognize what the f*ck you see.

   It's stupid when someone texts you first and they never reply after you text them back.

   Don't you hate when people call your name 20 times..... Then end up saying "NEVERMIND"? Nah, you gonna tell me SOMEthing.

   Dont Bring Skittels To A Gun Fight

   "You break it, you buy it"... Uh, hell no. I break it, I leave it, and awkwardly walk out...

   Girls who are shaped like hot pockets have no business taking full body pictures.

   Why WOULDN'T you wear a condom when they got that sh!t called "Kids" goin around?

   People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with “lol” should be damn shot.

   When I'm bored I like to put on a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks...

   I love a woman with passionate thoughts, eloquent words, and a beautiful mind...oh, and a nice rack too!

   F*ck an alarm system. I've seen "Home Alone," I know what to do.

   Oh, you think you're ugly? I believe you spelled attention seeking wh$re wrong.

   Ghetto counting: 1) Wahh. 2) Two. 3) Three. 4) Foe. 5) Fieee. 6) Sih. 7) Selm. 8) Ate. 9) Naa. 10) Teh. 11) Lem. 12) Twehh.

   I hate when fat women can't cook... Ummm okay, woman you just fat for no reason?

   Handicap people should get a $200 ticket for parking in the regular spots.

   President Obama recently released his tax returns. It turns out he made $900,000 less in 2011 then he did in 2010. You know what that means? Even Obama is doing worse under President Obama.

   BREAKING: Tupac died again today when a member of his posse tripped over the extension cord.

   Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life.

   *Fat chick posts a picture on Facebook* "Fresh out the shower. (; " Me: "You spelled ocean wrong."

   let me be your next instagram