Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Wife: Hey babe! How's your "Boy's Night Out" going? Me: Don't hang up! They say I only get one phone call..

   I don't always correct someone's spelling but when I do, I google it first so I don't make an ass of myself.

   Here's a good one: What's funnier than "I/'m bad...really bad". ....Everything!!!!

   I have come to realize that the only reason I eat taco bell is so I can light my own cigarette with my butthole.

   The reason we give kids middle names is so they can tell when they're really in trouble.

   At least your tax dollars are helping the secret service get laid.

   Nothing makes me want a relationship to fail more than matching profile pictures.

   Girls don't fart. That sound you hear is actually baby unicorns being released into the world to sprinkle sugar on cookies.

   I'm not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I'm forgetting to do.

   enrolled in nursery school..there were no naps, no crayons and no recess, just trees and plants..what a rip off

   the best. Blink to agree ( :

   Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, dats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!!

   It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when someone likes you.

   You know your childhood is over when you fall asleep on the couch and wake up on the couch.

   You like to sleep? Damn me too. Let's do it some time together ;)

   I want Jimmy Neutron's Brain, Phineas & Ferb's Summer, and Timmy Turner's Goldfish

   I'm still waiting on the movie 'Twilight: Lights Out' starring Blade to come out.

   it's no longer a secret that they are getting serviced.

   Attention, stoners: No, you don't qualify for medical marijuana just because you smoked a blunt and beat your roommates in Operation.

   Give a man a fish,, and with MY LUCK,, he'll heat it up in our office microwave.