Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.

   I decided to follow my dreams and it led me to a casino, then to 4 bars, an hour ago I was in a gun shop and now I'm in front of a bank.

   Today is the day in some households, that colored eggs get dumped in the trash. Because enough is enough.

   milk expires tomorrow, guess who's having 3 bowls of cereal tonight!:D

   We've got way too many pointless idioms but at the end of the day it is what it is & it's all good.

   I want to fist punch any grown man that fist pumps

   No human society exists without booze or religion. That's why we drink religiously.

   The only funny thing about jay leno is that he's going to die someday.

   All I did was walk by an Abercrombie and Fitch and now my name is Trent, my shirt is off, and I'm really into shell necklaces.

   How in the hell do people spell your name wrong on facebook when it's right in front of them?!

   If you don't enjoy scaring dogs by talking through a cardboard wrapping paper tube, don't bother stopping by my house on Christmas morning.

   If I were Vera Wang and I had a boy, I would name him Very Large Wang.

   I'm NOT political,,,,, just wondering if the 'once you go black' rule applies to presidents...

   I always read my Krispy Kreme order from a pretend list,, so they think I'm getting donuts for the whole office.

   thinks it's better to be "over the hill" then under it.

   going to the ventriloquist show tonight. My roof lamp told me that.

   Ebonics word for the day "mayonaise". Mayonaise alot of crackers up in here

   ACME Rockets has filed for bankruptcy after losing both N. Korea and Wile E. Coyote's accounts.

   There is no angry way to say 'bubbles.'

   Ok, just heard this on a radio... "Up next is Justin Bieber's Boyfriend." My suspicions are confirmed.