Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I changed my alarm tone to a Justin Bieber song and it works great... Now I wake up early just so I don't have to hear that $hit.

   I like when a woman tries to shove 210 pounds in a 135 pound dress because I used to bag groceries and admire that level of conviction.

   I Don't Drink Anymore !!!Although ...I Don't Drink Any Less either ;p

   You Are Not A MAN if you can make A BABY, Your Are a Man Who Can Raise One Especially One which is not yours ~ Mr. Krab

   *Stop the CISPA bill progression*. It allows the government and private companies to spy in on YOUR PRIVATE INFORMATION on any site as a means of “cybersecurity"......(Bulls**t)

   SOPA and PIPA tried to attack your 1st amendment. CISPA will attack your 4th amendment....if you let "them" of course

   Watching Friday 13th - a load of awful make-up, on brain-dead 'zombies'. Hang on. Sorry, wrong channel that was "The View".

   Today is Friday the 13th..not so scary...Oh wait....here comes my ex- I change my statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   What's long and hard, but can't get up? A North Korean rocket.

   I've finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils.

   Fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia. Heck I'm just afraid of that word.

   It's a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

   From Kim Jong-un's diary: "Friday the 13th, yeah, that will be a good day to test the rocket".

   You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic

   Please don't walk a mile in my shoes. Your feet probably smell and I don't want smell in my shoes.

   Anything with Friday in it can't be all bad. Now Monday the 13th, that's another story.

   If you own a bar near a hospital and it's not called Flatliners, what the hell is wrong with you?

   My girl jus told me that she is going to start "act like a woman and think like a man" so I guess that means when she is in the kitchen making a sandwich she is going to be thinking about sex!

   What's the difference between "no!, no!, not my ass!" and "mmm, mmm,mmm, mmm, mm"? Duct tape.

   Heard a girl just say that she "literally died". So she's either a zombie or too stupid to live. Either way, I threw a stapler at her.