Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Having a good vowel movement keeps me from being consonantpated

   going to the church of disneyland where pastor mickey loves everyone UNCONDITIONALLY.

   To the Athiests that use the Lord's name in vein, make up your mind. Do you believe or not?

   Ok, I wasnt paying Attention this Morning, Did the Darn Easter Bunny See his shadow and do we have 6 more weeks of Winter???

   I am Happy my kids are older now. But I do miss running around all night in the Pink Bunny Suit from the Christmas Story on Easter Eve.

   Yes, us Atheist DO NOT believe in fairy tale characters from thousands of years ago. We let go of yesterday and live for today and tomorrow! We are not slaves to the past and its rules.

   This is an "A" and "B" conversation so "C" your way out before "D" jumps over "E" and "F"s you up like a "G"

   You know you've had a good wank when you have no idea where it landed.

   I was so drunk when I got in last night that I picked a fight with a mop, wiped the floor with the shaggy-haired b@stard.

   Ladies; Never die a virgin, apparently when you get to heaven they make you shag a suicide bomber.

   My Wife is so childish. She comes in the bathroom when I'm in the bath and sinks my boats.

   What's the difference between Tango and Rohypnol? You know when you've been Tangoed.

   Do you think when sexy blondes go on porn websites they get adverts popping up saying, "A fat and bald guy from Chicago wants to have sex with you"?

   Mike Wallace dead at 93 - Guess his 60 minutes are up....

   The only reason I never click on the shemale category is I really don't want to run the risk of discovering it turns me on.

   I don't feel bad about online shopping at work. It's the only place where I can spend money WHILE I make it.

   Women who complain are like yellow traffic lights. Nobody really pays attention to them.

   The fact that there is even such a thing as ugly hookers tells you pretty much all you need to know about men.

   I've been taking my Flintstones' vitamins daily, but I still can't start a car with my feet.

   Ice cream never asks silly questions. Ice cream understands.