Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   i bought my mother in law a tv and furniture for her birthday...you shouldve seen her face when rent a center came and picked it up...yup she hates me

   my blind son just said this to me "hear ya later"

   Why must you mock me humpday? We both know I'm not getting any. :p

   Why do all of the female college basketball players look like Katt Williams ?

   Seen on a prison wall: "VIRGINITY - who says you can only lose it once?"

   kleptomania! But when it get's bad I take something for it.

   Do women know how much energy we expend pretending we don't know why they're mad?

   "Ok just so I'm clear on this - this dog can bark for 11 hrs straight & only poops in other people's yards? I'll take it!" - my neighbor

   finally told Frasier what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs!

   These little 'Hug Juice' barrels are too small! I can finish the thing in one gulp! Let's make them bigger, much bigger, and why juice, let's fill it up with beer! Wait, this sounds strangely familiar....

   "Whatcha doin' ... Payin' bills? I'm just gonna lay on top of 'em, K? Oops, I knocked them all over. Let me shove my ass in your face." - The Cat

   Your name is something I could moan during sex.

   Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with Facebook.

   What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?............ The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm.

   Knock, knock. Honey, have you finished taking pictures of yourself for facebook? Daddy needs to take a sh!t.

   That uneasy moment when you ask a midget what they want to be when they grow up.

   By the age of 60, the average black woman has spent 21900 days (3 years) scratching her weave.

   Oh, you hate drama? Please continue to dramatically complain about it.

   An 89 is just a 69 with a fat chick.

   Who the hell watches Ellen Degeneres? she's almost as funny as the death of an immediate family member.