Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German..

   Click like if you almost cried when Trey said,"Yo Dough...You still got one Brotha left!".

   I like to go up to my wifes twin sister and say "i know what you look like naked"

   These tornadoes are awful...I blame the violence in tornado themed video games

   The Muppets would have been so much better if Kermit had been voiced by John Wayne.

   Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I give them a big hug. I can only imagine how hard life must be for the visually impaired.

   I applied for a job in a Pshyc Ward. They said I need 24 hrs experience with a retard... So I was wondering, what are you doing tomorrow.

   I phoned the Procrastinators Helpline... They took my number and said they'd get back to me :/

   Does this leaf make me look fat?" - Eve.

   I only have a home phone so I can find my cell phone.

   My favorite machine at the gym is the exit door.

   I'd like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.

   The plain cake donut is always the last one picked.... Come with me poor little plain cake donut,, you can be on my team.

   Wait,, there's a "pro-anorexia" community? That's a thing?.. Oh,, I bet they have the worst luncheons ever.

   lf you can only be good at one thing, be good at cheating....because if you're good at cheating, you're good at everything.

   Sometimes I worry my posts are too cerebrle... cerabrall... cerrebrel...

   My tourette syndrome in under control untill I have to deal with DUMB A$S! stupid people who lack basic MOTHER FUNK1NG! common sense. SH1T! B1TCH!

   You can meet 10 girls, mess with 9, talk to 8, laugh with 7, run behind 6, like 5, go out with 4, get used to 3, care about 2, but only love 1.

   ever had a nightmare so bad that when you wake up you feel like throwing a party to celebrate that it was only a dream.

   Ahem,,,,, Now As a recovering kleptomaniac,,,, I know how to take a joke.