Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Taking my Mother-in-Law swimming off the western coast of Australia

   Oh you don't like me? You should tell your 10 Twitter followers. That'll show me.

   Oh is it really raining outside? Please post a status update for all of us with no windows.

   Maybe that's why Jada left Will...I think she knows Pac is comin' back

   Oh so your boyfriend cheated on you? But how is every other man on this planet responsible for it?

   If she high-five you after sex...marry her on the spot.

   People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.

   I'd imagine that muslim sex dolls blow themselves up.

   The only thing worse than the “FRIEND ZONE” is the "SHE-THINKS-YOU-ARE GAY-ZONE".

   Women should have an "I'm feeling lucky" button like Google has.

   I will always cut through a gas station parking lot to avoid a red light.

   You should know you'll get loud when you start drinking. It says right there on the label, "Alcohol by volume."

   I've always wondered why they say count to 10 when you're angry, in that 10 seconds, I could knock them out and be calm

   Don't be selfish with your prayers.

   HER: Oh my god! I lost 2 kilograms! SMARTASS: Great, you finally took off your makeup!

   How is Voldemort supposed to be scary when he has an obsession with a teenage boy?

   Fun Fact of the Day: Of the 236 episodes of the great show "Friends" Jennifer Aniston has 'pokies' in 217 of them.

   I didn't win the lotto. So I guess I have to return the Lamborghini

   I would say that one day you'll be working for me, but I don't have any intention on running a strip club.

   My internet bride got delivered today, she's the WiFi always dreamed of.