Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ok, so I've got my petrol home. Now where am I supposed to store it all? The bath is already full of stamps and pasties.

   Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck

   Oh you can drink a beer in 10 seconds? You must have a very productive liver.

   Dear In and Out Burger, I hate you!! Signed, Someone Who Works Down the Street

   I wonder if Michael Jackson actually looks like he did in the Thriller video by now...

   After reading about Alicia Silverstone, I have some new things to be thankful for...Dear Mom, thank you for not naming me "Bear Blu" and especially for not feeding me pre-chewed, discarded food straight from your mouth!

   Attention all crackheads,and homeless people.... it is a very bad time to ask me if I have any "spare change" when I'm pumping $4.39 a gallon gas into my car.

   What is invisible and smells like bananas? Monkey Farts.

   Here is Spike Lee's Address 1 Dumbass Way DouchBag, Indiana 666666 Feel free to terrorize him.

   Winning money in front of somebody you owe WinFail

   I used to be addicted to soap,,,,,but I'm clean now

   Me: So, you like bad boys? Girl: Oh Yeah! Me: Well, I'm not to impress you or anything but at Walmart I enter through the exit door.

   Gay people are such great dressers because they've spent a lot of time in the closet.

   Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.

   The McRib is like an exgirlfriend visiting, you know you probably shouldn't do it, but hey, it's back for a limited time.

   I just told my child that PMS stands for 'Prepare to Meet Satan.'

   Dear people who think Romeo and Juliet was a romantic love story.... It was a relationship between a 13 yr old and 17 yr old that lasted 3 days and resulted in 6 deaths.... Sincerely, Everyone that has actually read the story!

   If you want to see the real Hunger Games go to Ethiopia and put a steak at the end of an obstacle course.

   Ultimate D**k move would be Bill Gates buying all the possible mega million combos. Theres only 176 million of them and he'd double his money unless there were other winners.

   a cop just knocked on my door and told me my dog was chasing people on bike, My dog doesnt own a bike