Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas STOP and now drop these motha$&@?!/ prices down!

   I feel a sin coming on!

   Where the hell is easy street?

   I could do so much more if I only had minions.

   I'm not crazy, my reality is just prettier than yours

   I didn't sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.

   has anyone seen Steven Tyler lately?...that dude really does look like a lady

   Going out on a date with Octomom tonight… Just in case…wearing socks under 3 pairs of condoms…

   Looking For a Truly Romantic & Meaningful Overnight Relationship, please pm my inbox for details...... Midgets, Casey Anthony and Octomom - Don't Bother applying!

   I go to the gym to play my favorite game called "I spy a sexy cameltoe" its so fu#king sexy.

   To all those people with big trucks and SUV'S who laughed at me because I bought a hybrid......i see you getting gas all the time

   I have just hired 2 private investigators to follow each other Let the games begin.

   And to save enough money on gas to make up the extra cost of buying the hybrid, you'll be gassing up for the next 13 years. And the SUV's will still be laughing, Just longer and louder.

   just had the new Doritos taco........, but I still don't get the ad where they drive 900 miles to buy one. Why not just buy a bag of Doritos and pour yard waste in it?

   I liked you better before we met.

   My mother always told me to never quit something I'm good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i'm good at being drunk!

   After reading your recent updates, I'm surprised that Facebook hasn't yet asked you, "Whatever's on your mind, could you keep it to yourself?"

   I just tenderized the pork... now to put my pants back on and go start dinner.

   If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your ass.

   I can't wait for the next Micahel Bay movie, where he destroys a kids tv show,.....My Little Pony.....yeah now you girls don't think it's so funny lol