Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Eskimos have 49 words in their language to describe snow because they have so much of it. In the English language there are over 50 words to describe a moron.

   Girl just asked me to talk dirty so I described the space behind my fridge.

   That new survey says that 33 is the happiest age but somehow I think Jesus and John Belushi might disagree.

   If you ever laugh so hard that your ass actually comes off, sh!t probably stops being funny real quick.

   I needs some skittles and a yoohoo

   "Tickets." — me (when other people get on the elevator)

   You're 14 and quitting smoking? How Inspiring.

   Can't wait to play the Lotto once again. I was so close last week. I was only off by 6 numbers.

   Geeesh,,Nobody seems to care about all the times I DIDN'T drop the baby.

   Remember children are our future...If we do not keep them plump and healthy, we will have nothing to eat during the apocalypse.

   I don't know how this Nyquil is going to affect my status updates, but I don't know how this Nyquil is going to affect my status updates.

   Here's my cup of care \_/ Oh look. It's empty.

   Never look someone straight in the eyes while eating a banana.

   The best curves on a girl is her smile.....Naw just kidding look at dat ass!

   Dear Lord, give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.

   Micro chips in dogs and cats ..why aren't Humans doing this..?

   The customer asked the clerk, "Do you have anything that makes me look thinner?" "How about a week in Somalia?"

   You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.

   Well Skittles Stock just took a plunge, again!!

   But in other news.... Etchy Sketches Stocks Went up ever since Romney's spokesman said He'll have to go back to the drawing board.