Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Kiss her neck… She'll rip your clothes off.

   If you love someone, set them fee. If they don't come back, call them up later when you're drunk.

   Some say I have the body of a 60 year old man, others say I have the body of a 13 year old girl. All I can say is, The police found nothing!

   I like to do nothing for people. Then when they say " Thanks for nothing", I say It was the least I could do.

   Please be alert and help if you can! Every year many children leave their homes going to Mime School and are never heard from again! Please speak up for these silent victims!

   Try explaining the Biggest Loser to Ethopians: "See we have soo much food we actually have a contest to see who can stop eating so much of it!" ...

   I just had a nowhere near death experience. It was completely life continuing.

   Saw a fat bird at the self checkout in ASDA today. She scanned an item and it started beeping 'Unexpected item in baggage area' - Salad.

   every 5 seconds, somewhere on this planet a woman gives birth to a child. I think! We must find this woman and stop her.

   We live in America where a girl threw flour on Kim Kardashian and was arrested on site. But the man who killed Trayvon Martin is still free.

   I need to start saving all my ideas for statuses in a Word Document titled "Read This at My Wake" cuz I would just lay there in my coffin and laugh as everyone got up and walked out.

   Would be a good day to golf but the old trick knee is acting up from the injuries I sustained in my college years as a star quarterback.

   if I stop using smileys , dude you're in trouble

   I've finally collected enough rats asses to give to everyone on my list.

   All I need to know is, listening to your girlfriend with both the ears open is multitasking right?

   I think Michael Bay is trying to ruin my childhood. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are NOT aliens!

   I'm pretty sure my reasoning skills are defective

   If my life ever flashes before my eyes, it will just be me sitting around crying.

   The last time I tried to just "be myself" I almost got submitted to a Mental Institute.

   Chocolate lovers are thinner, study says. Obviously they did not contact me.