Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The criminals on Scooby Doo suck! A bunch of teenage stoners and a DOG just solved your crime. I think you need a new line of work my friend

   Apparently Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital. "It's great, he can almost string a sentence together" said Fabrice.....

   Facebook: where pushing like to everyone's 'happy birthday' wish is a thank you.

   When I die, I have made my husband promise to update my FB status with “Who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?!?”

   thinks my three “uh huhs” in a row should prove that I haven't heard a word you said!

   Just to be on the safe side, people should probably stop wearing hoodies, and also be white.

   Just got back from watching that movie The Hunger Games. Was very disappointed. Turns out it's NOT Ethiopia's version of the Olympics.

   For softer cookies,,, skip the baking part and just eat the dough.

   Considering I'm sitting here in my underwear eating beef jerky and Reese's peanut butter cups, you may want to chose someone else to take advice from today, guys.

   Ironically, after their one hit,,, Chumbawumba got knocked down and never got back up again.

   I have a feeling that if you guys were my patients, I would have no problem getting you to take your pills.

   opening anything with "hey ladies..." makes it easy for people to identify you as a douche.

   Just nailed the "She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys.." part on Hotel California.....don't judge

   What if , one day you randomly wake up as a baby and realize that you're whole life was just a dream.

   The closest friends are the ones that know too much.

   I read something the other day that made me piss myself. It was a sign that said: "Bathroom closed."

   Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.

   When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far and no one can ever tear them apart.

   Do you call Gatorade by the color instead of the flavor. 

   Mistakes are painful; but as time goes by, it becomes a collection of experiences called Lessons. Live life and embrace life lessons!