Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wish my vacuum went "OM NOM NOM NOM" whenever it sucked anything up.

   Somewhere In A Ghetto Household A 4 year old is "droppin it" like its hot while the family is clappin & yellin "Go SHANIQUA! Work it girl!"

   Hi remember me? I'm the guy you never bothered to say goodbye to you self-conceited b!tch. .

   If you don't know what you want, you will end up with a lot of sh!t you don't want.

   I think next time I'll go ahead and press "2" for Spanish. Maybe I'll actually get someone who speaks English better than the person on the "English" line.

   The hookers in NY are now offering a "Tebow" special. For an extra $50, you get to experience a second coming.

   I think we all know, the first time he Tebows in New York, somebody will steal his wallet.

   Hey Janet Lehman, how about I send you MY program for free? It's called a BELT!! You're welcome

   "I don't mean to brag," ... "Then shut the f#ck up!"

   A PIRATE'S TOAST: May your anchor be tight, your cork be loose, your rum be spiced, and your compass be true.

   I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.

   The only difference between fear & excitement is your mind-set… Fear says, “Oh no! Excitement says, Oh WOW!

   missing the days when Facebook status updates had to begin with "is"

   Photoshop CS6 Beta has just been released, I know all the ugly people just excited.

   Dude, She just called you deaf.... "What?", She just called you deaf, "What?" SHE CALLED YOU DEAF, "Oh hell no my names not Beth.

   Fellaz: Commenting on and liking every other half-naked girl's Facebook picture makes you look damn thirsty! Have some dignity or buy some.

   Bikini season...lets use some good judgement, if you cant see the top of your bikini bottom without squirmin....dont wear it

   If Robert E Lee were alive, I would vote him for President

   The people on Jerry Springer are also the people of Walmart

   New Crayola colors... Aereola Pink, Ball Vein Blue, Puckered Sphincter Brown. They figured after watching Ky intense and extenze commercials, anything goes.