Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Having a back-up plan means your main plan sucks!

   Oprah needs to admit she's a lesbian trapped in a fat mans body

   Clearly, they've run out of reality show ideas, just like hollywood..really? The Three Stooges?

   The Subaru Impreza comes with 11 airbags....maybe it would be easier if all cars were just made by nerf

   Wanted: A fat, drunk Doctor who smokes and feels my lifestyle is acceptable

   Dear sweaty bum who sits on the stoop where I work. Clock me in at 6:45 and I promise to be there at noon to buy you a happy meal

   how much of a procrasinater do you have to be to wait until a tumor is 200 lbs to have it removed

   When I jerk off, I hold my pinky out, just in case if someone walks in, I look elegant doing it.

   Really questioning if I was arrested by a real cop, I had to rub my fingers on a newspaper and push em into a glob of silly putty.

   I know a few women that would be considered very handsome if they were men.

   when I grew up, Tebows pose was called...The Thinker

   Never compliment a girl on Twitter, she'll reTweet it and make you look thirsty.

   I miss Doo Dads and the little peanuts

   I woke up last Friday to find a letter from West Africa in my e-mail. Saturday morning, there was one from Nigeria and today, there was one from Jamacia. I have the feeling I am being black mailed....

   I was talkin about Muslins today, my coworkers are confused about the terrorist threats of ugly fabric.....my bad

   THREE LAWS OF SCIENCE: 1. IF IT SMELLS BAD IT'S CHEMISTRY 2. IF ITS MUSHY IT'S BIOLOGY 3.IF IT DOESNT WORK ITS PHYSICS

   I think the use of steroids to grow our food is outta control, my apple has a beard

   Due to the economy I decided to grow my own food...I guess cotton wasn't the best choice, makes you soooo thirsty

   In dog beers, I've only had one.

   jus bought a new ride, cruisin thru the hood and was surprised to discover the confederate horn they forgot to mention.