Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hate when couples say "I love you." after just a week of dating. Ignorant fools. Makes me want to slap them in the face.

   just because I peed my pants doesnt mean I was scared...it just means I sneezed real hard just before you 'tried' to scare me

   Apparently, the answer to WWJD is ……hire Peyton Manning.

   Stoners make better...uh..wait...nah.....slower..yeah...stoners make slower lovers

   wearing a bicycle helmet when driving tends to cause gaper delays.

   motocross boots...check, full face helmet...check, padded gloves and pants....check, Ginormous Big Wheel..check!

   not sure I trust my Dr. he seems ok..except for his big red porous gin blossum nose.

   money is the root of all evil, until the collection plate comes around

   just set my alarm for 2013, this year already sucks

   my speedo disappeared under my belly, I look naked....decisions, decisions, either stop swimmin or diet..yeah, no swimming this yr

   its not easy talkin to someone with a zit thats about to blow

   Besides me & Bryan Adams who else remembers the summer of 69 ?

   Its the love of money thats the root of all evil you retard get your facts straight..

   Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie

   A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

   saw a vegetarian eating a banana. I asked her how would she like it if her skin was ripped off and she was eaten alive.

   You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

   today is national "Repeat Game" Day...you can start with your boss :)

   When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I'd like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you're right"

   Remember, over half of all cases of people wrecking themselves happen within five minutes of not checking themselves.