Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   For God's sake! It would be nice if people with lazy eyes would put a Post-it flag on the eye they want me to look at when we're talking... I keep switching back and forth..

   It took a Jimmy Carter to give us a Ronald Reagan!

   I sleep naked, I don't care what the stewardess say's.

   If you're STUPID enough to vote for someone because of a celebrity endorsement plese delete yourself from my friends list...Thank you.

   If you don't think anyone loves you or cares about you, gimme me a call...I'll confirm that for you! (The Confirmation Service, 1-800-I-CONFIRM)

   Hard to believe we once all had phones physically attached to a wall. When it rang we'd pick it up without knowing who was calling… And it did not send or receive text messages... How Amazing! We all survived those times and we're still alive…

   I did 10 one arm push-ups this morning, I was trying to get up off of the floor this without putting down my beer.

   It's a Good thing Tim Tebow is a mobile Quarterback because Denver is gonna move his Ass out.

   I want to go to Australia so I can wear shorts with a cowboy hat yet remain straight.

   Hey astronauts, find something with eyeballs or don't come back. Enough is enough.

   The worst thing about dating a dragon with a girl tattoo is how I would never shut up about it.

   Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.

   A synonym is a word you use when you can't remember how to spell the other word.

   The meanest thing you can ever do to a blind person is leave a plunger in the toilet.

   Normal Detroit people are probably pretty embarrassed being linked to "Hardcore Pawn"

   I did 10 one arm push-ups this morning, I was trying to get up off of the floor without putting down my beer.

   ‎"Denver needed Peyton Manning because Tim Tebow has tossed more dirtballs than a Hooters bouncer."

   Tim Tebow may love Jesus, but it's pretty apparent that Jesus is NOT a Tebow fan.

   Dares you to go outside, throw a rock at your car and yell "LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR STATE FARM IS THERE!"

   Me seek revenge? Nah, I don't stoop that low. I'm just gonna sit here and let karma run it's course ;)