Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   fat girls are proportionately more angry than skinny girls

   How in the world did Bill & Hillary Clinton avoid the celebrity nickname HillBilly? WE DROPPED THE BALL AMERICA.

   Just saw Peyton Manning Tebowing, very thankful for his new job.

   "And when there was only one set of footprints, that was when I was off hiring a more talented quarterback to replace you" - God to Tebow

   #Tebow will be the first person in history to leave the mile-high club a virgin.

   I only appear to be happy to irritate the people around me.

   What's this "Sex Slavery" that everyone is talking about? And how do I enlist?

   Watched a boy make a wish at a coin fountain. He tossed the coin & missed it. Missed. An. Entire. Fountain. Ugh, this kid sucks at wishing.

   When Tim Tebow heard about Peyton Manning coming to Denver he threw a fit. Unfortunately He missed his intended target by ten yards.

   At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.

   All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now

   The older you get, the harder it gets to find someone willing to share a horse costume with you.

   My bracket is destroyed. I had Inga, Bjorn, and Johan in my Swede 16.

   If you don't think anyone loves you or cares about you, gimme me a call...I'll confirm that for you.

   BREAKING NEWS: Tim Tebow is no longer a virgin after being screwed by the Denver Broncos....

   Hey friends..... if I really wanted to "Branch Out"...... I would drink a Jagerbomb with a Miracle Grow chaser!

   I think I'm a good judge of people...that's why I don't like none of 'em.

   My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.

   you can buy shoes, cloths, etc.. but you can't put a price tag on respect

   some people just gotta have that daily dose of drama