Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   LOOK AT THIS GUY FLASHING HIS GANG SIGNS AT ME! Grandma please! He is deaf!

   I think that kid has got too big and fat for the show to be called 'Two and a Half Men' anymore.

   B0ners are just d!cks that stand up for what they believe in.

   If she's not flexible, she's not textible.

   men only get their great ideas in bed because their plugged into a genius!

   Its not cheating if I wasn't feeling like myself that night right?

   shoppin for a muggie, its like a snuggie except it has a ski mask sewn on top

   If your house is hit by a dolphin, don't go outside to see if the dolphin is alright, that's how the hurricane tricks you to come outside.

   Women are not complicated... They just want love... and chocolate... and shoes... and some other stuff

   Woman! Can't live with them, can't live with them.

   I am dreaming to became rich...just like my father..."is your father rich?" ...no! he is dreaming too

   Did Obama really sign a bill in secret making free speech illegal during protests???? So the first amendment is almost gone. Liberty is truly dying by the months.

   The girl I'm dating has a kid who just started high school. She wanted ME of all people to have a talk with him about "the birds and the bees" We talked for about 4 hours, and I gotta tell ya, I learned A LOT.

   Marijuana IS a gateway drug.. It leads to sweatpants and Cheetos.

   Google: "I have everything!" Facebook: "I know everybody!" Internet:"Without me, you all are nothing." Electricity: "Keep talking, bitc$es."

   Baby Shirt Idea: Did 9 months in solitary confinement

   My update for the week. See you next week.

   I just misspelled a word so badly,, that autocorrect shut my phone off and gave me explosive diarrhea.

   Tithing - Money is the root to all evil ... enough said.

   I have a new doctor. He wanted to check my prostate and I told him that I don't do that on the first appointment.