Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   All the immortals survived St. Paddy's Day I see? Let us mere mortals now join our brethren and worship at our place of choice to further along that regressive human trait known as hypocrisy.

   it just me....but when I am trying to insert a straw into a Capri Sun I feel like I am trying to start an IV.

   The current administration is finally getting through to people. I can not count how many people I saw going "Green" yesterday! These are truly exciting days!!!

   Sitting in here in Mugg & Bean sippin on my coffee, watching as a group of raucous and untamed black youth walk by in a ghetto wolf pack. Yep, I can smell discounts and knockoffs on everything they wearing, including personalities.

   A psychologist cannot change a light bulb unless the light bulb really wants to change.

   If you can read this please let me know because, it means I blocked the wrong person. I'm still getting used to this Stupid timeline!

   Every Sunday is like an episode of CSI... I have to figure out where I was, what I did, and who I did!

   tried to get a tattoo but it hurt, so I just got dots with numbers..You make the connection

   whatever happened to Gallant and Gufus?

   I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a soberphobic.

   someone ate half my black crayon, the built in box sharpener is jammed, I have checks to write, gonna be one of those days

   I Hate Fake people! Go back to China where you were made!

   To all those who said I couldn't make jokes about blind people... watch me.

   While playing football with friends: Fat guy = goalkeeper.

   Like a good Neighbor, Stay over there.

   I don't care what ANYONE says. He's MY dog, he's grown, & if he wants to get a tattoo, who am I to stop him?

   hey guys you can pretty much call a girl whatever you want as long as you put skinny in front of it

   If a cop pulls you over for talking on your phone, just tell him you were reporting a drunk driver.

   Justin:mom one day I'm going to the moon . Mom: too late justin nasa stopped sending monkeys long time ago.jg

   Alcohol was created as a social lubricant, to make men brave and women loose.