Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sorry Goldfish Crackers. You will never be taken seriously as a food until you lose the sideways grin.

   Telling someone they "look tired" is the best way to insult someone under the guise of "caring."

   I was watching the news & saw poor people being busted for illegal mood-altering drugs. Then came all those commercials for the legal ones.

   Wet wipes are tissues who like to party.

   Go to church....the wine is free.

   the four leaf clover in a field of life.

   If your turds aren't green tomorrow then you're doing it wrong today...

   Old Irish Saying: hiccup, burp

   I'm Irish. I don't like anything I can't drink, f#ck, or punch.

   I just went to this restauraunt on the moon.... The food was great but there was like, no atmosphere.. No really,, It took my breath away

   your a midget and you do not wear a green outfit and a matching top hat......your just no fun

   I think "tax cheat" is too harsh of a term....I like to think of myself as "Tax mathematically challenged"

   I throw my spanish in the air sometimes sayin ayo, no comprendo

   Beer is made from hops and barley. Hops and barley are whole grains. Therefore Beer is healthy. You're welcome

   I love driving behind old people. You can get so much done: eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, read a book... write a book, etc.

   "You've changed" No actually I think the proper term is, "I've stopped trying to please you."

   That annoying moment when you can't find the long side of the blanket.

   George Clooney could have any woman he wanted. Yet he's out fighting for peace in a third world country... What a moron

   All I ask is that you wait until after St. Patrick's Day if you happen to be planning my intervention.

   You can prevent yourself from crying in any other situation by not being such a little b!tch.